First Timers 101

First blog, YYYAAAYYY. So I'm going to start with some first timers with sex info. I am not going to jump in and tell you that everything is always great and you love the person, blah blah blah, NEXT. we are just going to have some plain old info and tricks and tips. 👉now keep in mind these are NOT going to be in any specific order, I just type them as they come to me. They are all as equally as important. 

I'm going to start with the fact that there is no definite age to where you should have sex for the first time,HOWEVER it is important to identify predatory behavior. If you are a Cis-Woman, this is particularly important, since society has normalized predatory for the average Cis-Man. I am in no way saying ALL cis-Men are predators, as well as I am in no way saying Cis-women are not predators, but if we are being honest one is more normalized than the other. The reason I bring this up is because it is highly relevant for first timers when it comes to emotional and mental comprehension/analyzing. 

 Now that we have gotten past that elephant in the room, it is important to note, DO YOU BOO. Have sex when you are COMFORTABLE and in the mood. NEVER rush it because you feel pressured or feel the need to satisfy a partner. You don't have to be in love with someone to have sex with them. Comfortability is the most important, Especially when it comes to Cis-Women, here are some pointers to make things more comfortable:

1) COMMUNICATE- talk to your partner and tell them what you are/aren't okay with, this is going to ease the majority of your stress when it comes to the whole situation !  

2) You don't have to go "all the way" for it to actually be sexual/intimate, oral sex, hand jobs are a sexual act as well and can easily be as intimate. 

3) If you decide to go for penetration of ANY KIND ( fingers, penis,toys,tongue,etc) make sure whatever is near the area is clean. Don't let someone near your bits right after they just got done eating Taco Bell or cheeto puffs or something. Wash your hands/brush your teeth, clean your toys. 

4) FOREPLAY IS ERRRYTHANG, please do not skip out on foreplay unless you GENUINELY dislike Foreplay. An optional rule to this is give what you get, a partner should never expect foreplay if they refuse to put effort themselves. (of course if it has been agreed upon that it is fine then do you boo but if they just completely shoot you down that is a red flag) 

5) Use lube ! There is NOTHING wrong with using lube, it doesn't mean something is wrong with you. Everyones body functions differently and the average cis-woman takes a minimum of 15-20 mins to be aroused ! There is also such a thing as being mentally aroused but not physically aroused and that's ok ! 

6) If you are the initiator, feel free to check in with your partner and practice the art of consent ! " is it okay if I kiss you ?" " Can I lick you here?'' These are great examples of practicing enthusiastic consent. 

7) A NO is a NO no matter how you say it or who you say it to. If you want to spend the night with a partner of 8 months or 8 years and do nothing, you have the right to do that. Never let someone coerce, pressure or force you do something. " please I'm so horny" " Just this one time" " you touch me, I touch you, we don't have to do anything else' alllll common rebuttals to the word no. If someone pushes the issue, tell them that it makes you uncomfortable and they should stop. If they don't stop, LEAVE ! this includes touching you in your sleep (granted your still conscious enough to be aware of it) 

8) Go with your gut feeling or as I like to call them, " tummy grumbles", if something doesn't feel right then don't do it. simple as that. You don't owe an explanation. 

9) ALWAYS practice SAFE SEX, I always reccomend people get std tested and provide proof to new partners to just be sure. However if someone doesn't have the ability due to lack of income ( I exclude any other excuse as there are many places that offer free/discounted std testing for 150 or less for a full panel.) ALWAYS use condoms and birth control if possible. any type of birth control is not 100% full proof so it's always best to combine methods. EXCEPT spermicide ! NEVVVVEEEERRRR use spermicide or condoms that contain it.  It heavil/y irritates the skin and causes micro-abrasions which makes it easier for stds to chomp on ya ! and as you should know standard birth control like IUD, pills, etc DO NOT protect from STDS. Also you can 1000% get an std from oral sex , so don't let someone try and convince you that it "doesn't count".

10) Be mindful of your PH but don't overdo it ! Everyones body processes things differently, whether it's food, a new deodorant, etc. The only time you should be concerned with PH is if it is fishy, yeasty (smells like bread or beer), or high ammonia. Your body is not meant to smell like dove soap, irish spring or summer's eve ! A bad smell is subjective and a lot of people mistake a natural smell for a bad one ! Leave your junk alone and let it do its magic ! (of course if you bits smell like any of those three then talk to your doctor and be descriptive, saying it smells bad is not detailed lol) I close this by saying, a lot of people love the smell of roses, I personally hate it, HOWEVER that doesn't change the fact that it's still perfectly healthy roses. <3

ANNNND with that I  will end, just some pointers. I plan to go into detail later on certain parts of the subject of sex since they are all intertwined. So stay tuned !