Racial Fetishization within your sex life * warning lots of "bad words" in this lol

With the climate of everything that is going on I just wanted to make a post to address some issues that I and many other peoples have experienced. I do think it is important to recognize any toxic behavior you are exhibiting when it comes to partners. This post in no way meant to exclude the LGBTQA+ community, these issues transmit through all the realms. 

It is important to not have any expectations of what a person can do sexually just because of their race/ethnicity.  I myself have witnessed and experience the bias and fetishization of Black women, from expecting to have someone dick "clapped" on or the "gawk gawk twist combo" crap.  It is also the automatic assumption that Black women always have a big butt or big titties, which is simply not true. As everyone knows,  everyone comes in different shapes and sizes, so it's ridiculous to assume. Also a lot of people are referencing porn/celebrities when it comes to the "typical" bodies for Black Women, and that is unhealthy.  You have to analyze WHY you are attracted to a Black Woman if you have a reasoning, which I think is important for separating preferences from bias/fetish. Generally if you are attracted to a certain race because of stereotypical features, I would challenge you to ask yourself if you have a fetish ?  Do you look at that person as that , a person or do you see her as a big booty black woman who can probably ride your dick off into oblivion ? 

Also something to clear up is that Black women vulvas are the same as everyone elses. They have pigment of our skin tone for the pubic/ outer labia and the same pink bits as everyone else on the inner labia/vagina. Black Women are not mutants or something, stop treating them like exotic zoo animals.  This includes people on sexual conquests !  

People do not realize when you say " I've never been with a Black chick/girl before"  how dehumanizing and Fetishizing that is.  You basically treated a human being as if you are going to experiment on their body, why do you feel like that is okay?  Why do you feel as thought that is a compliment to a Black Woman ?  SURPRISE it's not a compliment ma'dude, no matter how you "didn't mean it that way" , you literally referred to someone as if your about to get on a new roller coaster.  Plus think about it, when you are saying that, what are you expecting from that person aside from a list of stereotypes ?

Also do misinterpret my post as ignoring fetishizaton of other POC and Black Men , but I feel as though as a Black Woman I can only speak for myself, my experiences and what I have witnessed. 

Moral of the story ? STOP DOING THAT SHIT.  You aren't complimenting anyone or being cute, it's wrong. Fuck or date someone for who not WHAT they are and don't treat them like they are a zoo animal.  That's all folks ! 

Genital health aka what not to do with your bits !

Long time no see, sorry I've been kinda MIA I got lazy with the posts and was enjoying some good binges. At any rate I think it's important to go over caring for your bits ! Most of what I am going to go over works for both penis and vulva bits.  It is important to remember that the tissue and anatomy we share is literally the same with different configuring. 

Now when you're going throughout the day you want to make sure that you are wearing properly fitted clothes. I commonly see people wearing pants that are too small for them and this can cause your bits to be suffocated.  The main thing I see being worn too the skin is underwear !  If your underwear is digging into your skin with no give , they are TOO SMALL ! Wearing underwear that is too small for you can cause chaffing ,rash,acne, skin irritation, hair bumps, yeast and bacterial infections. This is the case for all kinds of bodies and some people are not as observant as others to the signs. 

If you are going to the gym, hiking, etc and sweating make sure you are changing underwear when possible. Try to wear breathable underwear, SPECIFICALLY COTTON.  Underwear labeled as "Breath" often feel light weight and comfy but they are trapping sweat on your body.  Shower if possible and if not the next best thing would be changing undies/clothes. Try not to use if possible baby wipes,"feminine" or genital wipes ,they just mix scented chemicals with bacteria that is already present and not really cleaning.

When washing up, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT wash your bits with heavily scented soaps or anything that contains glycerin !  And YES that includes Summers Eve aka "Feminine" wash. Glycerin is a known irritant for the skin and your mucous membranes are extremely sensitive. My rule of thumb is if it can't go into your mouth, shouldn't be on your bits. Most crotch soaps will strip and irritate your skin and strip you of your PH!  Most people will say that these soaps work for them but it's important to remember that sometimes when you're using a specific product for a long time your body will become reliant on it. Also it good to remember people that your bits are NOT going to smell like berries and cherry blossoms.  Your bits are a MOIST orifice that should smell like one !  Your breath doesn't smell great all the time and that's natural. 

* side note; for people who wash their body with all one scented soap or with shampoo/conditioner ( yes people do this), stop doing that. Very few soaps are exception to this rule. That is all.  

Piggy backing off of the last sentence we go to the topic of smell.  There is nothing that your bits are "supposed to" smell like! Your moist bits are exactly that, MOIST BITS.  Your bits contain both good and bad bacteria, They are always going to have some kind of smell.  The only smells you should be concerned about is if there is fish,garbage/rancid or very strong ammonia  Those are the only instances in which you should see a physician if possible. For folks with vulvas, DO NOT DOUCHE, EVER !

Douching is TERRIBLE for vaginal health and often exasperates issues since your removing natural defense mechanisms within your body.  The same applies to enemas as well. 

Please do not reference someones diet to their scent.  Yes what you eat can effect how you smell but you have no control on how your body processes that food. Some people are very sensitive to food and these scents are released from their bodies. It is very natural for someone to smell like onions/curry/asparagus, etc , basically things that are very pungent are going to come out of your sweat glands. Surprise your crotch sweats, but is it really a bad thing if you smell like curry or onions, both of those things sound yummy.  

SUMMARY 

1. Wear clothes that fit properly and pick the right underwear style for you. 
2. Change your underwear,preferably cotton, when able if too sweaty.
3. Don't wash your bits with heavy soaps/shampoos/conditioners.
4. Let your bits smell like bits ! It's natural!  Don't try to change your pheromones ! 

Techniques

Todays blog is going to be simple and short, Just going to go over the benefits of using your hips versus your back. 

Basically my suggestion is to just use your hips lol.  There is a distinct difference between hips and back when it comes to penetration. If you don't know what I mean I am referring to someones thrusting or "stroke game".  When it comes to penetration you want to make sure that you're hitting either the G-spot or the P-spot, since these are mostly is what is getting stimulated during penetration. You want to make sure you are rolling your hips, basically making a wave with your body. When people are thrusting with their back it is very straight forward and often jabby, this usually only works for a few select people. If you are physically unable to do a wave with your body, maybe try positions that will favorable. Also try not to "Swim" either when penetrating, This is like someone is do a belly flop on top of you and offers very little enjoyment for the bottom.  Find what works best for you and your partner(s) but don't try and do the same thing for everyone and expect it to work perfectly.  I always like to say there are 3 different types of thrusting, Jack rabbit, Jack hammer and Pile driver.  Jack rabbit is fast with very little skin-skin contact, so there is no real "thrust" behind it, Jack hammer is fast and hard thrusting whereas pile driving is slow and hard, often times too hard.  Most people tend to alternate between pile driving and jack hammering but out of the 3, I would say Jack hammering is most effective.  Jack rabbit is the one I would say to not even do because it serves very little purpose for the other partner being penetrated. Just learn to pace yourself, do some good stretching , and go for it.  

LUBESSSSS

I am going to cut to the chase about lubes. There is a lot of options that you can use depending on what you are trying to do.  

To begin things that are NOT lube: Baby oil, Vaseline, spit,discharge, chap-stick, cooking oil ( yes I have to mention this), soap/conditioner,water,semen or whatever weird concoction people use. As I've mentioned before, if it can't go in your mouth(aka swallow it) don't put it in/on your bits.  The exception to that of course would be water,spit or semen.  HOWEVER none of those will accurately lubricate someone, they will all dry up or become sticky in a matter of a minute or so. Just save yourself the headache and use ACTUAL lube.  

Water-Based Lubricants

When it comes to water based lube there are couple different options depending on what you want to achieve. To add as this is specific to water-based lubricants, NEVER use anything with glycerin or Menthol. Glycerin is used as a preservative and is a type of sugar, this means bad news for the sensitive folks !  Glycerin is one of those ingredients similar to latex, some may be more allergic to it than others but generally majority ARE allergic. For someone with a vulva this can mean yeast infection,micro tear,BV aka Bacterial Vaginosis, ruined PH, hives, swelling, itchiness,etc.  For someone with a penis this may be less prevalent/noticeable but it still happens. That includes name brand lubes like asrtoglide, KY, trojan, even non-lube like most soaps and body washes, etc in case for folks going to shower/bath sex. Glycerin and Menthol are also used as warming and cooling agents, which is essentially like acid for most people. If someone wants to try some of these I recommend putting it in the corner of your lips, as your lips are the closest in sensitivity to your bits. That way if you do have terrible reaction it can easily be wiped away and in a small area.  Keep your bits from being on fire when trying a new lube that way lol.  

1. liquid; this type of lubricant is used best when someone just needs a little bit extra oomf to get things started. This would be ideal for someone with a vulva/vagina that would be just a little bit extra as these kinds absorb very quickly. I would not recommend this one for any type of vigorous or long play. 
2. Cream; this type is going to be a hybrid between water and silicone, because of the mixture it commonly has the appearance of cum.  A lot of times it is branded as "cum lube" for ejaculating dildos/toys. This one still absorbs for the most part HOWEVER it does leave behind a velvet like glide the comes with silicone lubricant. Depending on the brand of this lubricant, it may or may not be sticky. 
3. Gels; this type of lube is going to be the thickest, and debatably the second long-lasting, and the reason I say that is because Cream does carry a slight amount of silicone it does last slightly longer. However depending on preference the silicone being so little and thin, It may feel as if nothing is there.  At any rate this is the lube most folks are used to, aka KY jelly( Although I don't recommend this kind), the most common one people by from their local store.  It has a super thick viscosity that leave a nice lasting glide for a good amount of time.  These are another option for long strenuous play or use with silicone toys.  It will still absorb but will take much longer. 

Silicone;
This lube is going to be the longest lasting one you can go for, all condoms come with silicone lube to keep the condom lubricated for easier application/insertion.  Silicones chemical make has molecules that are too large for the skin to absorb, meaning they never go away in the middle of play. They may spread out but they don't evaporate/absorb, this makes it great for long strenuous play, anal, Toys( glass, acrylic,plastic),  Silicone is also going to be another option that is not going to have no scent or taste, so if someone wants to go to V to M ( Vagina to mouth) , there won't be any weird taste or smell involved. The only downside with silicone is that it is not compatible with silicone toys, it will bond and degrade them. This means if you use silicone lubricant with a silicone toy, this will break it down and destroy it. Also something to notes is that silicone can stain, but I usually tell people if they did manage to stain something it's because they used too much.  Also since silicone doesn't absorb/evaporate, it also doesn't wash away with just water, you need soap and water.(used externally of course) With it not being able to wash away easily, this makes if great for shower play ! Something important to note is that even if you MAY have to wash it away, you don't have to !  Silicone is safe for the body, and your body will purge it out of an orifices if need be, so it will not stay inside and " poison" you.

Coconut/Olive oil;

 These can be kind of tricky as you want to make sure you get the versions that are pure with no additive.  Not the ones made for hair products, You want to make sure they are safe to be ingested with no extra. Coconut oil is a lot easier to be used for this as it is a lot easier to find but make sure you are buying the solid kind, not the ones that come as oil.  The solid melts in a matter of seconds and that's the best way to separate the organics from the additives.  The good things about these options is that they have multi-use so they don't have to be only lubricant. HOWEVER you want to make sure your are separating the oil you use for diddles and the one for cooking.  Because they are oils they do possess the ability to harbor bacteria, you want to make sure you are always reaching into your source with clean hands !  Otherwise you end up with a sess pool. With these being oils they also have the possibility of staining the same as silicone. However , with being similar in form, they have the difference of being okay to use with silicone toys ! So if you want the slick feeling of silicone but safe for the toys I would go for the oil based lubricants.

It is very important to remember that ANYTHING oil /petroleum based is NOT compatible with latex or polyisoprene ! This means they WILL break a condom if combined ! If you use latex condoms stick to non oil lubricants or change your condom to a non-rubber like Trojan supras. 

That's all I have for ya'll today, remember what I said and read everything.  Find what's best for you ! 

Oral sex

we'll be going over some tips and tricks when it comes to some head time.

This one is going to be fairly short,and to the point, probably mostly what NOT to do and thing to not say. Now keep in mind I will always keep my gender terms neutral as they work for more than one party. Also pointers are to NEVER mention the fact that your previous partner used to like. "well my ex used to like that". don't be that asshole.

Vulva;

Find the clit and lick it, BOOM simple.  lol jk but seriously the clit is going to be super important when it comes to oral sex.  Beyond that you want to pay attention to all the erogenous areas of the body which are the thigh/inner and outer labia. Some people need an added benefit of a insertion as well as play with the clitoris. Aside from that , the best advice I can give is to communicate as every partner is going to be different.  Talk to your partner when it comes to what you do or do not like.  Best to focus on soft and delicate touches, as well as maybe trying to analingus when it comes to oral. These are all erotic areas that do tie in together. Also side note, Squirting is real, no it is not pee, and yes it is possible to do it. (this does not mean it's not as easily as attainable for some as it is others) It is mostly going to be stimulation or the Urethral sponge aka the Gspot. That is where all the fluid collects during engorgement as is realized from the urethra ( which yes it is a separate hole from the vagina 😐) 

Penis;

A lot of people tend to forget that the human genitals share all the same pieces if not functions.  For anyone with a penis you want to make sure you're focusing on the head of the penis. The head of the penis is virtually the same as a clit.  The testicles are also very sensitive as well as the taint.  Of course I'm often going to sound like a broken record but COMMUNICATION ya'll. Some people may like strong suction, some may not, it's up to you to clarify with them what they like. Thighs and butt are erogenous on a person with a penis as well. This is most important for Cis-hetero men, having your ass ate doesn't "make"  you gay. There is NOTHING in this world can make anyone gay so chill out with that. People with penises might enjoy prostate massage as well which should be done with great patience and a good amount of lube( not just spit). 

Aside from that, not much else is going when it comes to oral sex, this is something I could go on and on about for hours but I'm trying to keep these from not being all over the place. If there is anything more specific you want me to focus on, let me know. 

Anal, lets try some butt stuff

Today we will being going over anal aka BUTT STUFF. lol no but seriously today I am going to provide you with the tools to safely & pleasurably fiddle with your butt. 

FIRST AND FOREMOST, I want to mention this one rule;

NEVER use numbing lubes, creams or gels. This is not solving an issue of discomfort or pain and anal should NEVER hurt! If it hurts that means something is wrong !

This actually causes more harm then good as your pain receptors are there to let you know that something is wrong, When using numbing it is not making the play easier, it's just making it to where you can't feel anything. That includes rips/tears, bleeding, hemorrhoids or impacted. These are all things that can SEVERELY harm you in the long run with infections, scar tissue and worse. PLLEEAASSEEE DO NOT USE ANY NUMBING.

Anal is a very tricky play to work with for a lot of people. I always like to let people know that not everyone has to or wants to like it, and that's okay !  You always want to have a conversation with your partner as to what your are and are not comfortable with. As a partner either penetrating or being penetrated , you want to respect boundaries on what someone is not okay with.  Some people enjoy rimming but have zero interest in penetration and vice versa. Its just a very touchy subject and is considered kinky for most folks who haven't tried it before.  I think this would be a good time to mention the three important rules for anal play;

Lubrication,Relaxation & Communication

aka 

LRC (pronounced as lurk)

Lubrication;

It's always important to keep in mind the anal cavity does NOT produce its own lubricant. It may have some mucus to ease the transfer of bowl movements but not much more than that. When trying for the first time you want to make sure you have enough lubricants and the best kind for you !  When choosing lubricants you always want to pick something that is long lasting, viscous or has a lot of slip.  Water or silicone based Gel, Silicone or coconut oil lubricants are all great options for first time. However it is important to keep in mind, if you want more "cushion" or buffer between the insertion and anal cavity, use thicker lubricants.  Its is also important to remember that silicone lubricant CAN NOT be used with silicone toys, and considering how most butt plugs are made of silicone your restricted to water based or coconut oil. The reason I specify gel is because of the viscosity it decreases the chances of reapplication in the middle of play. Liquid water based lubricants are meant to be a little extra oomf to get things started and then to be very water, as a result they absorb VERY quickly. With water based gel being very viscous, it will still have to be reapplied or reactivated with water at some point in the middle of play. If you want something that is going to have the least re-application, that would be silicone or coconut oil.  These are going to be some of the thinner options though so be aware of that. Also, can't believe I have to say this. but NEVER use baby oil or vaseline as lubricant, and I mean NEVER. All kinds of infections, irritation and dryness going on for your butt. if you can't put it in your mouth aka ingest it, DON'T PUT IT IN YOUR DAM BUTT! 

Relaxation;

Most people don't know when it comes to your muscles , relaxing  is particularly  important for your anus.  You have two muscles involved which are the outer and inner sphincter.  The outer sphincter is the one you can control when contracting, say when your trying to hold in a fart. ( sexy I know lol) and your inner sphincter, this muscle is INVOLUNTARY you have no control over how this muscle contracts.  This is why it is super important that you are relaxed when it comes to anal because your mental mindset silently impacts all of your involuntary muscles.  You always want to make sure you are doing this on your terms and are comfortable with your partner. If you go into the play being tense and nervous, your body will transmit that to every muscle in your body.  That means when you try to put something up there whether it be a finger, butt plug, etc, your body is going to freak out !  Your butt hole will literally be like " GGAAAHH WHATS HAPPENING, I DON'T KNOW YOU ! AHHHHHHHHH"  < that is basically what is happening in your body when your muscles are spasming. So relax and breath, if you are the partner who is penetrating always check in with your partner, especially since some people feel they have to just bear down and deal with any pain they might be experiencing.

Communication;

TALK TALK TALK TALK about everything ! This is an act that puts most people in a vulnerable position.  A lot of people are doing anal for the first time and are not used to voicing what they are ready for. You always want to communicate what is happening with your partner, whether you are feeling anxious, you are experiencing pain or pleasure, these all help with this delicate situation. Say if you need more lube or tell someone to hold on/wait before continuing. It is totally okay to communicate that you need a second before you go on . Don't rush anything when it comes to anal play, take your time and always check in and react. Never ignore or tell a a partner to " suck it up" who is telling you something is wrong ! This is the most simple rule, just make sure you talk to each other.  

Some other pointers is always start with a warm up. NEEEEVVEERR try to just go straight to like penis in butt with no prior prep. People often learn their knowledge about anal from porn but remember porn is not realistic ! They cut out the part of the star getting an enema for an hour then wearing a series of buttplugs for 30 minutes.  Why else do you think their butt holes are already slightly open when it pans to the camera. 😒 Any who what I mean by that is never just try to shove the whole thing in there on the first try, you will be sorely disappointed in more ways then one. Always have a butt plug set (at least 3) of inclining sizes to help relax he space.  Another thing is that poo comes from there, it is natural for there to be residue throughout the anal lining.  It is not necessary for you to do an enema before anal play, as long as you have a nice sturdy poo ( I say sturdy since diarrhea or soft poo is more likely to leave remnants)  and a good scrubba dubb shower and you should be good to go.  But if you insist there is 2 different kind of enemas, half enema and full,  the half takes on rectum and both sphincters which takes around 30 mins, whereas a full enema is going to go all the way up to the lower intestine and sometimes colon which could take an hour or more. Basically DO YOU. (but be smart about it lol)

Barriers

Today we will be going over barriers ! For those of you who doesn't know what that means, we are referring to internal/external condoms and dental dams. I will be going over the different kinds as well as pros and cons. SOOOOO PAY ATTENTION.

External condoms or "male" condoms

These are the condoms that are most commonly used by majority folks. This condom is rolled down an penis  or phallic shaped item to provide protection from STD transmission. Most of the condoms will be found commonly in a local store and will be FDA approved. It is always important to find FDA approved options as they have been thoroughly tested to hold up for Contraception and STD protection. If you find any condoms that are thinner then the ones available in the US (for instance be sold on amazon), 9 time out of 10 they are NOT FDA APPROVED.  That means they may work for the prevention of babies but they may not save you from an STI. In worst cases they might not do either as they may have high chances of breaking because they are too thin.  Also it is important to note that Amazon does not have to regulate what is on their site, so you could easily be buying a counterfeit condom that will definitely not protect and in fact may harm you since who knows what it is made of !  For these kind of condoms it is important to find the one that works best for you. 

1. Latex condoms ; the most common sold and most cost effect. These are going to be very pliable and easiest to work with for the average person. The only thing to pay attention to is the fact that majority of people are allergic to latex. if you have ever experienced any swelling, itchiness, hives, yeast infections/BV frequently after using a latex condom, I highly recommend you try another and discuss that with your partner.  It is also important to note that even though most condoms come with lubricant you should still always apply more as it is still going to have friction against the skin, since ya know it's not skin lol. Latex will always smell of rubber and it will leave that smell on the skin. If someone is performing oral sex or engaging in penetrative sex this may be troublesome since the smell can be really bad . Latex condoms are also going to be the thickest option when it comes to material, because of this it makes it very prevalent that a barrier is being worn. Now, with that being said, latex condoms are going to be the most common option to be found making it the most accessible option and often handed out for free at most clinics or hospitals. It is also natural rubber which makes it the most pliable, as well as having a large array of sizing options. 
2.  Polyisoprene condoms; These are going to be the synthetic rubber condoms, often time with latex components removed.  This might be a good alternative for people who have a latex allergy, They function just the the same with a human-made chemical makeup. Now Polyisoprene does still have a smell but it is not as prevalent as latex, however this may still be an issue for some folks.  These condoms are generally around the same thickness as a latex option but just like latex there are options that are still thin while being FDA approved.  Polyisoprene also has a variety of options to pick from but it mostly has to do with style rather than size.  However it is the second best when it comes to variety. 
3. Polyurethane; This is like the only condom majority of folks that people have not heard of.  It is not made of any specific rubber at all, it is in fact made of very thin plastic !  This means no irritation for folks allergic to latex yaaaayyy !  However with it being made of plastic that means a couple cons, It is not made to be stretchable with it being plastic so someone has to be slightly more cautious when applying one as to not rip it.  Also there is no variety in size or style of condom. Currently there is only one brand, Trojan, to which they call them Supras, that sells polyurethane in stores. Polyurethanes are still FDA approved but with them being more expensive to manufacture they are slightly more tricky to find as well as you don't get the common amount you would find in latex condoms.  For example; you get 12 latex condoms in a pack for around $8, whereas with Trojan Supras you get 6 condom pack for around the same price. So supras may not be the most cost effective option and is often not given out for free like latex.  NOW with that being said, some of the pros are no smell, at all.  This makes it great for oral or penetrative sex as the smell does cloud the room, stick to your skin or stay in your mouth. As well as that, with it being a very thin plastic, it conducts heat better than a natural/synthetic rubber condom so the sense of a barrier is MUCH lower.  This means this is the option that is the least obvious as a barrier.  Now when it comes to variety of size, rubbers do have it beat BUT polyurethane condoms have the benefit of being sized LARGER than a Trojan Magnum XL but because it clings to the skin like cling wrap it fits standard size just fine.  SO if someone is putting it on anything that wears a Magnum XL, they will be JUST FINE( so don't listen to anyone who says it might be too small). Because Supras don't stretch they are going to feel more snug than a latex that is constantly readjusting with stretch but it is not damaging anything. if you compare them to jeans, its like someone where skinny jeans for the first time rather than straight fit, OF COURSE they are going to feel too small.  
4. Internal condoms; these condoms are mostly knows as "female" condoms but I don't call them that since they have a multi use for different folks.  These are commonly made of nitrile and have two outer flaps that cover the external area with a 2 rings. one ring on the outside of the opening, with one ring placed on the inside behind the pubic bone to keep it in place.  This one is a great option for people allergic to natural/synthetic rubbers as well. This one can also be used for vaginal or anal penetration, which is why I don't like to label it as a "female" condom.  This can be place beforehand in preparation of penetration and easy to remove after.  The main issue with this barrier is that it is available only by prescription.  It is available for purchase on amazon HOWEVER as mentioned before, they do not have to regulate so you want to make sure you are purchasing from a reputable vendor.  This method doesn't really protect from oral sex on a area not covered by nitrile,so it important to still use a separate barrier like a dam. These are another option that is not the most cost effective since a pack of 6 or 12 can run $20+ since they are difficult to obtain.  Pros for these are easier to apply, no scent. non-rubber and another option that conducts heat slightly better. 
5. Lambskin condoms; These are probably the least used options as they cross a lot of ethical and functional lines for people.  These are essentially made of lamb intestinal lining which makes them very thin.  However because of this, it does not protect against STD/STI transmission. This is best for folks who are sexually responsible and aware of their monogamous relationship.  Not to say they can not be used in non-monogamy HOWEVER you have to remember that not everyone or their partners may be as sexually aware/ responsible as you are. 
6. Dental Dams, finger cots and gloves; These barriers are mostly used for external play/and or light penetration.  Dental dams are used to preform oral sex on someone and are made of mostly latex.  It is possible to make a non-latex option by cutting a latex glove or a cling wrap into a square sheet.  Cots are used for penetration with individual fingers, they are often made of latex but can also cut fingers off of nitrile gloves for same effect. With finger cots you just have to be aware that the cot itself is not going to move or get pulled off. Lastly is gloves. Depending on the person it can be latex or nitrile and these are ideal for full barrier sex or kink scenes.  Gloves comes down to the person and their partners boundaries. The purpose of these barriers are just to help prevent any transmission of fluids between partners. 

NOOOOWWW with all that being said, I definitely recommend picking the option that works best for you and provides the protection that you need.  It is always important to remember that Barriers provide PREVENTION of STD transmission, it is NOT a fail safe ! Practice safe sex always regardless of relationship status !  Anyone sexually active regardless of relationship status should be getting tested a MINIMUM of every 3 months. ( even if funds are tight or lack of insurance there are plenty clinics that offer discounted or free std testing). There are a diseases that can be transmitted regardless of barrier present or not so please tread carefully.  As I close this I leave you with my golden rule;

If you have time to fuck, you have time to get tested. 

First Timers 101

First blog, YYYAAAYYY. So I'm going to start with some first timers with sex info. I am not going to jump in and tell you that everything is always great and you love the person, blah blah blah, NEXT. we are just going to have some plain old info and tricks and tips. 👉now keep in mind these are NOT going to be in any specific order, I just type them as they come to me. They are all as equally as important. 

I'm going to start with the fact that there is no definite age to where you should have sex for the first time,HOWEVER it is important to identify predatory behavior. If you are a Cis-Woman, this is particularly important, since society has normalized predatory for the average Cis-Man. I am in no way saying ALL cis-Men are predators, as well as I am in no way saying Cis-women are not predators, but if we are being honest one is more normalized than the other. The reason I bring this up is because it is highly relevant for first timers when it comes to emotional and mental comprehension/analyzing. 

 Now that we have gotten past that elephant in the room, it is important to note, DO YOU BOO. Have sex when you are COMFORTABLE and in the mood. NEVER rush it because you feel pressured or feel the need to satisfy a partner. You don't have to be in love with someone to have sex with them. Comfortability is the most important, Especially when it comes to Cis-Women, here are some pointers to make things more comfortable:

1) COMMUNICATE- talk to your partner and tell them what you are/aren't okay with, this is going to ease the majority of your stress when it comes to the whole situation !  

2) You don't have to go "all the way" for it to actually be sexual/intimate, oral sex, hand jobs are a sexual act as well and can easily be as intimate. 

3) If you decide to go for penetration of ANY KIND ( fingers, penis,toys,tongue,etc) make sure whatever is near the area is clean. Don't let someone near your bits right after they just got done eating Taco Bell or cheeto puffs or something. Wash your hands/brush your teeth, clean your toys. 

4) FOREPLAY IS ERRRYTHANG, please do not skip out on foreplay unless you GENUINELY dislike Foreplay. An optional rule to this is give what you get, a partner should never expect foreplay if they refuse to put effort themselves. (of course if it has been agreed upon that it is fine then do you boo but if they just completely shoot you down that is a red flag) 

5) Use lube ! There is NOTHING wrong with using lube, it doesn't mean something is wrong with you. Everyones body functions differently and the average cis-woman takes a minimum of 15-20 mins to be aroused ! There is also such a thing as being mentally aroused but not physically aroused and that's ok ! 

6) If you are the initiator, feel free to check in with your partner and practice the art of consent ! " is it okay if I kiss you ?" " Can I lick you here?'' These are great examples of practicing enthusiastic consent. 

7) A NO is a NO no matter how you say it or who you say it to. If you want to spend the night with a partner of 8 months or 8 years and do nothing, you have the right to do that. Never let someone coerce, pressure or force you do something. " please I'm so horny" " Just this one time" " you touch me, I touch you, we don't have to do anything else' alllll common rebuttals to the word no. If someone pushes the issue, tell them that it makes you uncomfortable and they should stop. If they don't stop, LEAVE ! this includes touching you in your sleep (granted your still conscious enough to be aware of it) 

8) Go with your gut feeling or as I like to call them, " tummy grumbles", if something doesn't feel right then don't do it. simple as that. You don't owe an explanation. 

9) ALWAYS practice SAFE SEX, I always reccomend people get std tested and provide proof to new partners to just be sure. However if someone doesn't have the ability due to lack of income ( I exclude any other excuse as there are many places that offer free/discounted std testing for 150 or less for a full panel.) ALWAYS use condoms and birth control if possible. any type of birth control is not 100% full proof so it's always best to combine methods. EXCEPT spermicide ! NEVVVVEEEERRRR use spermicide or condoms that contain it.  It heavil/y irritates the skin and causes micro-abrasions which makes it easier for stds to chomp on ya ! and as you should know standard birth control like IUD, pills, etc DO NOT protect from STDS. Also you can 1000% get an std from oral sex , so don't let someone try and convince you that it "doesn't count".

10) Be mindful of your PH but don't overdo it ! Everyones body processes things differently, whether it's food, a new deodorant, etc. The only time you should be concerned with PH is if it is fishy, yeasty (smells like bread or beer), or high ammonia. Your body is not meant to smell like dove soap, irish spring or summer's eve ! A bad smell is subjective and a lot of people mistake a natural smell for a bad one ! Leave your junk alone and let it do its magic ! (of course if you bits smell like any of those three then talk to your doctor and be descriptive, saying it smells bad is not detailed lol) I close this by saying, a lot of people love the smell of roses, I personally hate it, HOWEVER that doesn't change the fact that it's still perfectly healthy roses. <3

ANNNND with that I  will end, just some pointers. I plan to go into detail later on certain parts of the subject of sex since they are all intertwined. So stay tuned !

First Blog ~

Hey, This will be my first post as a blogger ,ultimately I am testing this platform to see how it goes. Posting is not that clear but I hope this all goes well. Anywho, the point of these blog posts is to provide people of all ages and backgrounds with available information about their bodies. DISCLAIMER; I am NOT an expert, I carry no degree so take my information and do with it what you will but I will never discourage someone from listening to their doctor. I am here to share my knowledge and answer questions if possible, nothing more nothing less. I plan to share knowledge, Not personal experiences, this is not a fantasy blog, this is to spread awareness of the human body and acknowledging that things are not black and white for everyone. I plan to keep this blog casual as I am doing it as a hobby. With that being said, Here we go~